I was 17 years old when I bought my first vibrator.

Living in a Texas suburb, I would have been lying if I didn’t admit to feeling horror at the thought of my family discovering my provocative purchase. But much to my relief, the toy came in a discreet cardboard box—and, better yet, neither my dad nor sister was at home.

Nevertheless, I quickly picked it up and darted to my room. Upon ripping open the package, I found a black bullet that fit snugly in the palm of my hand. That’s it? I mused. Most of the flaccid peens I’ve seen were bigger than that. (At this point, I realized I had never checked the size before buying the thing.)

Still, I skipped to the bathroom and followed the instructions, wiping the toy with a cloth soaked with warm water and soap. Although the manual advised a full charge before first use, I was curious—and frankly impatient—to take the vibrator for a spin.

The motor made the toy quiver vigorously, but it produced only a slight buzzing sound. A button at its base allowed me to choose from more than a dozen vibration patterns. The length was surprisingly adequate. And best of all, it took less than two minutes to do the job.

A couple days later, I gave it a second spin. And another the next day. And another. Soon, I was using my vibrator almost daily—until less than a month later, when I brought it into a bath with me and discovered it wasn’t waterproof.

Soon after the toy shorted, I ordered another one. The second also arrived in a plain brown box. It was about the same size as my teeny black bullet—only this one was pink and, even better, bathtub-friendly. But it wasn’t long before I became curious to explore what else was out there. I went online, did some eye-opening research and, similar to the hunt for new pieces to one’s wardrobe, I shopped.

In the span of about a year, I had accumulated three different kinds of vibrators. The holy grail: A 24-karat gold piece that cost me $2,000. I wish I could tell you I thought long and hard before making my purchase, or that I had any regrets. But I didn’t, and I don’t. I know that $2,000 is a lot more than what an average consumer would spend on a vibrator. I know it wasn’t the smartest thing to do with my money (believe me, I know—I live in New York City now). I know how ludicrous all of this sounds, but to be completely honest, it was easy for me to justify it.

At the time, I was living at home and I was working at a job that allowed me to have disposable income for the first time in my life. And the guy I was seeing then never lasted longer than my vibrators on a low charge. This vibrator—the only device I’ve found that I can truly count on—fulfilled and continues to fulfill me, and I won’t apologize for that.